I have received many letters recently about bullying, asking for advise. I have selected to publish 3 of themas a series at this time. I will answer the remaining ones through individual emails. Please continue to send me your emails I will try to help each one of you.
Dr. Lori

Dear Dr. Lori,
Our son was bullied at school he is 12 years old when the incident happened. He is not 13 and we have our hands full with him. He often is irritated and we know some of it is “hormones” but as parents you know when your child isn’t all right, and ours is not. The school had the bully transferred to another school and we pressed charges. My son says it doesn’t make a difference; he is still the kid who was bullied. How can we help him? We would appreciate any suggestions you have the school has offered solutions but no of them seem to work.

Thanks,
Kevin and Sue

Dear Kevin and Sue,
It sounds like you son is reacting to being bullied and it is probably not just his hormones. Hormones may be assisting in some of his overreactions but the point is your son needs some help to cope with the trauma that happened to him. I do not know what they school suggested since you did not include that in your letter. I would like to offer you my suggestions.

Ask him why he says it makes no difference that he is still known as the kid who was bullied? Here is what you need to listen for: is he being teased or bullied by other kids now? He may not want to tell you because he may think it will just make the situation worse at school. You need to find a way to reassure him that what he tells you can only help him. As well, he needs to speak to a professional about this. Try to find someone who your son feels comfortable with, it may not be the first person you take him to. It is important that your son feels comfortable in order to open up to someone. It is often easier to tell a therapist what is going on; because they are not part of your everyday life therefore they do not have an emotional attachment to the situation. When I deal with children and teenagers primarily in North America my philosophy is to let them tell what happened, work on getting them over the trauma and then the most important piece is to have them lose their victim mentality. I often talk to teenagers and children on internet that do not live in the same city as me. Allowing these children and teenagers to realize they do not have to be victims for the rest of their lives often allows them to go on and have healthy, loving and enriched lives. So I suggest you speak to your son. He will probably be resistant to therapy but if you can reach him and get him to understand he might feel better talking to someone or perhaps art therapy if he isn’t a big talker then I believe you can turn this around for you son.

Let me know how thing turns out, and if I can be of any further assisitance
Dr. Lori

Dear Lori,

My daughter has said that she doesn’t see the point in life; she is 15 years old and went from being a fairly happy child to what I think is a very depressed teenager. She will not talk to me and share what is wrong. I thought about counseling and she has said no. I am truly concerned about her and don’t know what to do. I would appreciate any suggestions.

Worried MOM

Dear Worried MOM,

It certainly sounds like your daughter has had a significant change in her behaviour and I understand how this can be worrisome. There are so many variables that could be the reason for this change, including peers disapproval, struggling in school, drugs or hormones, just to name a few! I suggest you begin with a visit to your Doctor, let the Doctor know your concerns. Ask your Doctor if they will do a full blood work up on your daughter including hormone levels and a urine test for drugs. I believe it is easier to eliminate those issues where there is concrete proof. If one of them is they culprit you will know what the issue is and be able to begin to help your daughter. The other reason to take her to the doctor is she MIGHT open up to the doctor and tell him/she what the issue is. Is the doctor’s visit doesn’t provide answers, perhaps a call to school to see if a counselor at school can talk to her and see what the issue is. I do feel starting at the Doctor’s is the best place to begin, this may just be a physical issue that your daughter has no control over, eliminate the possibility of it being those issues before anything else.

Good Luck,

Lori