Dear Lori,

I am a mother of three children, who are slobs. I have tried talking to my children, consequences, even screaming at them. NOTHING WORKS! My children just leave everything wherever they want, and I can’t stand the mess so I end up cleaning it up everyday. I feel like a maid in my own home. It makes me angry and I don’t like the way I feel or act because of this. I left their toys and clothes for 1 week and not one of them made any attempt to clean-up. It took me forever to get the mess cleaned up. Please give me some new suggestions, hopefully one will work!

Mom the Maid

Dear Mom the Maid,

I can see how frustrated you are. It sounds as if your children have you over a barrel. You need to take the control back of the situation, for both you and your children. If you don’t, then you will become more and more resentful of this situation. As well, how will you teach your children to take care of them selves, which does include being somewhat neat and cleaning-up.

I suggest the following: Instead of consequences, try a different approach. Tell your children; from now on they have a job. Their job is to keep their items toys clothes etc tidy, make it age appropriate so if your children are under the age of ten they can’t do as good a job as a 17 year old. Let them know they will be paid with earning their privileges, such as TV, computer, video games, get together with friends, driving car (if they are old enough) and whatever else you know your children enjoy. Set up a chart so they can see what they can earn by doing their job. I have used this strategy with many families and it has worked out very well. The key is to sick to it. You can’t give in and give them their privileges if they do not do their work.

I hope this suggestion will work for you.

Good Luck,

Lori

Dear Lori,
I am a 36 year old woman who recently split-up with my husband. I have two children under the age of 5. I work long hours and I feel exhausted trying to suddenly do it all on my own. I had no idea it would be this difficult. I am concerned that I am not spending enough time with my children. When we get home, I have to cook dinner, and then clean-up. After that is bath and bedtime, and the day is over. This happens almost everyday, and I feel like my children are going to grow-up without me really being there for them. On the week-ends, I try to spend time with them but there is laundry and grocery shopping and other chores. Do you have any suggestions on how I can spend more time with my kids?
Thanks,
Sad Mom

Dear Sad Mom,
It sounds like you have your hands full! Part of the reason is due to the fact that you have recently become a single parent. Over time, you will find a routine that works for you, and allows you to spend some quality time with your children. I would like to suggest a few strategies to help ease your transition. First of all your children are still very young, most children under the age of five want to feel safe and loved. Make a point of telling your children daily how much you love them, parents often forget that young children need to hear this regularly. As well, find some quick activity that your children enjoy such as colouring or throwing a ball around in the backyard or a park that is close to your house. Quick activities can be done in a 15 to 20 minute block of time. One or two night a week, instead of doing the dishes right after dinner, spend 20 minutes playing with your children, postpone the dishes until they are in bed. I would also suggest if your budget has the room, have pizza and movie night. It’s a great way to begin a “new family tradition” since their family has changed with you and your spouse slitting-up. It also gives you a break from cooking one night, which means you have that time to spend with your kids. Create time on the week-end to do at least one activity with them; it doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive, they will be happy just to do something with you. Going to the park or even the zoo are activities that most children enjoy. I hope some of these suggestions will be helpful and spark your creative thoughts on ways and activities you can do with your children.

Good Luck,
Lori