Are You Emotionally Depleted?

Know when to Take a Break…

How’s your life going right now?
• Is nothing going right?
• Do you feel stretched too thin?
• Are you feeling overwhelmed?
• Are you forgetting things you normally remember?
• Do you have less patience usual?
• Are you sad most of the time?
• Do you feel chronically exhausted?
• Do you feel like you have nothing left to give?

You are likely EMOTIONALLY DEPLETED.

Overcome Your Emotional Depletion.

In a word – REST!
Overcome your emotional depletion by resting. You may fear that everything will fall apart or things around you won’t work properly if you stop and rest. Rest is often what you need and the thing you resist the most.

Rest is vital. You gain strength when you rest. If you try to keep going not only will your body feel exhausted but you’ll become mentally and emotionally exhausted as well. You may end up depressed or develop ‘flu-like’ symptoms that you just can’t seem to get rid of.
Recharge your emotional and physical batteries through rest.

Rest gives you back your perspective. You get your perspective back by resting. Take a break or rest so time and distance allow you to see what is actually going on. Even taking a break of 24 hours can help you gain insight into your life. Resting helps you discover a new perspective. Resting helps you see how you became emotionally exhausted. Resting gives you insight into to how to change things in your life so you don’t end up exhausted again.
Recover your perspective through rest.

Recharge yourself in other ways. You need time for yourself. Schedule it. Find at least an hour a week and make sure it is away from your house. Go to a local coffee house. Walk through a park. Do something you enjoy that is relaxing. Just sit and relax – no cell phone, no computer, no distractions. Use your hour to reflect on your life, how things are going and how you can begin to change them. Remember that you didn’t become emotionally depleted and exhausted overnight.

It will take you time to change things and recharge.

Avoid reflecting on unproductive thoughts and ask yourself these questions:
• How did I get here?
• What can I do differently to change my life?

Be kind to yourself. Understand that you are emotionally depleted or heading that way. Now is the time to do something about it. If you are really struggling, talk to someone. A friend, a therapist or a clergy person can help you find the perspective you need. You will find a way to recharge your emotional batteries. Take small steps. You’ll find yourself feeling great again as you rebuild and recharge. Remember:

Know when to take a break – your physical and emotional health deserves it.

For more information about my services and New COURSE dates please see details at: http://www.drlorikay.com

You made it! You’re on vacation! It’s going to be great! Or is it? Make sure you don’t make Common ‘On Vacation’ Pitfalls and hamper your good time.

Common ‘On Vacation’ Pitfalls
Have you:
• Over packed your suitcase?
• Brought clothing along that you are unlikely to wear?

Pack only your favorite clothes!
You have probably ended up packing 50% more clothing than you’ll ever wear. Choose the clothes you want to take and then pack only your favourite pieces. It will cut your packing in half. Unless you know you will be attending a formal affair, pack only comfortable clothing.

Have you:
• Over planned activities to fill every hour of the day?
• Booked numerous excursions?

Limit your events to 2 or 3 per day.
You do want to see and do as much as possible, especially if you are in a scenic locale. A limit of two or three events per day is ideal. You’ll be able to see lots but not be exhausted at the end of the day. You’ll also feel less pressure to move quickly onto the next event and your kids, if they’re travelling with you, will thank you

Have you:
• Over indulged at the all-you-can-drink bar?
• Woken up with a hangover?
Drink in moderation!
You’ll enjoy your holiday more without the ‘morning after’ headache of too many alcoholic drinks. You don’t want to feel that you’ve wasted your vacation or your family’s by over-indulging. You can avoid waking up with regrets and a headache by drinking in moderation.

Have you:
• Over-eaten at the all-you-can eat buffet?
• Felt queasy and listless the next day?

Eat in moderation!

You’ll feel better after your vacation if you don’t come home with a few extra pounds from over eating. You can taste everything on the menu or from the buffet, but do it with moderation. You don’t have to eat every last morsel on your plate.

Enjoy your vacation!
Pack only your favourite clothes, limit your activities to 2 or 3 a day. Drink and eat in moderation. You’re on vacation – go ahead and have a great one with family and friends. Enjoy it to the fullest – you deserve it!

Make Sure It’s a Bon Voyage!

You plan and look forward to a summer vacation. Your vacation is going to be great! Or is it? Do you get back from your vacation only to be so overloaded that you feel like you need another one? You need to know Common Vacation Pitfalls before you leave!

Common Vacation Pitfalls:
Do you:
• Leave on your vacation the night you finish work?
• Leave really early the next morning?
• Feel completely frazzled and overwhelmed getting stuff done before you leave?

Leave a full day later!
You get a full day to pack and tie up loose ends like which neighbour is feeding the fish or taking in the mail. You can begin to unwind and you start your vacation in a relaxed fashion.

Do you:
• Stay on vacation until the very last minute?
• Jump right back into your daily routine?
• Have no time to unpack or even do laundry?

Come back a day early!
You get time to unpack, do the laundry, get groceries, thank the neighbours and slowly work your way back to your daily life.

Do you:
• Constantly check your emails and messages while on vacation?
• Bring work or projects with you?

Unplug and truly take a break!
You can leave an ‘out of office’ reply to your email. You can delegate work and projects that really need to get done to other people. You want to come back mentally refreshed and relaxed.

IF you really can’t break away completely then limit the time you are accessible from the office. Take one hour in the morning when you check email and phone calls. Then take a break for the rest of the day. Remember:

YOU ARE ON VACATION!

You need the rest and relaxation to keep you healthy – mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

When you get back to the office do you:
• Scramble to get caught up in the first two to three hours?
• Feel frustrated and overwhelmed when you can’t?

Plan a full day to catch up!
You’ll find it much easier to get caught up if you allow yourself a more realistic amount of time.

Enjoy your vacation!
Leave a day later, come back a day earlier. Leave work at the office if you can or limit your office time to an hour a day. You’ve planned your vacation; now make sure you and your family or friends actually enjoy your vacation – you deserve it!

Dear Dr. Lori,

I am in business for myself, and having trouble making enough money. I started out believing in myself, thing were going well and in the last year business has slowed down to the point that I can’t pay my bills. I don’t know if I should borrow money and advertise, network etc., or give-up and realize I didn’t make it and get a job. I can’t decide what to do. Do you have any suggestions on how I can decide what the best solution is for me?
Thank-you,
At a crossroad

Dear At A Crossroad,

It sounds as if there are a few things going on all at once. One thing is noticed is it sounds as if you have lost some of your confidence that you can be a successful entrepreneur. If this is true, then you need to figure out if you can gain your confidence back. If you can not then perhaps a job is the best solution. If however you can find a way to remember why you went into business for yourself and perhaps gain some confidence back, then I suggest you pursue your business. The other challenge which many people are facing today is paying their bills, you are not alone, the economy has been challenging especially for the small business person. I would like to suggest a meshing of your two options, perhaps you can take a job, part-time so you can ensure your bills will be paid, and work on your own business part-time. It would potentially be the best of both worlds until you can get your business up and running well enough that you no longer need to work part-time.

As always the decision must be yours. Take some time to reflect upon what YOU truly want and the decide how to realistically achieve it.

I wish you well,
Dr. Lori

Put Some ‘Spring’ back into your Relationships!

Who do you take for granted in your life?

We all do it. You get used to having family and friends around. You count on them without even thinking about it. You even expect that they know you care about them.
When was the last time you asked yourself:
• Who is important in my life?
• Do they know I care?
• How have I shown them that I care?
Can’t remember?
It’s time to put some spring back into your relationships. Showing people you care can rejuvenate and re energize your relationship. You’ll be revitalized and you may end up with some unexpected pleasant surprises in your relationship with your family, your partner and your friends.
Show people you care.

Family Relationships – Parents and Siblings.
You likely cherish your relationship with your family. It’s likely invaluable to you. You are also likely to depend on your family to be there for you, no matter what.

How often do you tell them how important they are to you?
Why not make a family dinner, just to let them know you care. Not a special occasion either like a birthday or Mother’s day. When was the last time you sent your sibling a small birthday present? What about a goofy card, for no particular reason. It doesn’t have to be costly, but it shows you care. Start a tradition – pick a weekend once a year where the whole family gets together. Go on a family mini-vacation and explore somewhere new. Rent a cottage for a week or just have a backyard barbeque. It’s the quality time you spend together that reinforces how important you are to each other.

The Relationship with your Partner/ Spouse
Has your relationship with your partner/spouse fallen into a predictable routine? Try being a bit unpredictable for a change. Make your spouse a romantic dinner once the children are in bed. If it’s too late for dinner, make a romantic snack. Candles, soft music, some delicious exotic food will make your partner or spouse feel special. Your thoughtfulness will be appreciated.

What makes your partner feel loved?
Do some detective work and find out. Ask questions. Does your partner like to be touched? Do they need to hear the words ‘I love you’? Some people prefer small gestures such as breakfast in bed. Figure out what your partner likes. Make a special effort to do the things that make them feel loved.

Relationship with Friends
Your friends likely act as your best sounding boards and support systems. Show your friends you care. Everybody loves a party! Plan a party and honour one friend or ten.

Let your friends know how important they are to you.
Do something you know they like doing. Nothing says I care more than doing what your friend really wants to do. Especially if they know you really don’t like doing it.

Put some ‘Spring’ back into your Relationships
You rely on your relationships for support, so give your relationships the support they need! Revive, rejuvenate and revitalize your many relationships by showing partners, spouses, family, siblings and friends that you care. Tell the special people in your life how important they are to you – you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results!

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Dear Dr. Lori,

My daughter is in grade 7 and she wants to wear make-up to school. I don’t approve of this; I think she is too young. The other day her drink leaked in her backpack so she emptied the contents onto the table and out came a bunch of make-up. I was shocked. My daughter has never lied to me or disobeyed me before. I spoke to my friend, who said just let her wear the make-up it’s not that big of a deal. I feel differently. I am more concerned about her disobeying me. I think there needs to be consequences, but I am not sure if this is overboard: I want her to stay in for the next 3 week-ends. I think that might teach her not to disobey me again. What is your opinion?

Shocked Mom

Dear Shocked Mom,

It is very difficult for me to give you’re my opinion since I have not met your daughter. I do believe your daughter is getting to the age where she will not always listen to everything you said. For some children, a strict consequence as you are suggesting does definitely make them think twice before they do anything like that again. Other children respond much better if you talk to them and leave the lines of communication open; with the understanding there are consequences if this happens again. In either case, I think you need to set-up some house rules. Once she is aware of the consequences, your daughter will know ahead of time what to expect if she chooses to disobey you again. I do believe you know if your daughter and know if she is a child who will open up and talk and tell you why she wore the make-up, it might for example be peer pressure and you made need to discuss peer pressure with her. On the other hand if your daughter doesn’t open-up and communicate, talking to her will end up being a lecture, in which case I would explore just giving her a consequence.I hope you can work this out now while she is still young.

Let me know what happens,

Dr. Lori

Dear Dr. Lori,

I have tried for so long to get my marriage back on track. I love my husband, and I think he loves me, but we are like roommates not husband and wife. I am sad and unhappy and it seems the harder I try to hold on to this marriage the further from it my husband seems to move. I have tried, dressing nicely to get his attention, but when he doesn’t notice I feel defeated. I have tried cooking his favorite meal; he says thanks and then reads while we eat, even when I ask him not to. I feel invisible in the marriage. Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Lost

Dear Lost,
My first question to you is have you tried marriage counseling. Even if your husband isn’t a fan, perhaps he would go if you told him how terrible you feel. If not perhaps go and get some support for yourself. In the meantime I can suggest you talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Perhaps do it in a restaurant where he isn’t as likely to be reading. Another thing I would like to suggest is that you take a break from trying to get his attention. Sometimes you need to let go a bit before someone picks-up on the fact that you are unhappy in the relationship. I am not suggesting you leave, I am suggesting you start to do SOME things that make you feel happy ad stop trying to fix this situation. Time has a way of bringing things to the surface or making them better. When you try to push a situation, it can backfire and end up creating the exact opposite of what you wanted. So take a break and find thing that fulfill you. See where that takes things in the marriage. I do strongly suggest that you do consider getting some help from your pastor or a therapist for you and your husband or at least for yourself.

I wish you well,
Dr. Lori

Dear Dr. Lori,

I keep dating a woman over and over again. I really like her, but there are “issues” that arise every time we get back together. She has kids and they are here priority, which I understand but this always gets in the way of our relationship. I have some of my own stuff too. I tend to flirt A LOT when I am not with her, I am really crazy about her but once I feel like I am second fiddle to her kids I am tempted to hookup with other women.
I can’t exactly tell her this so I just back off then I miss her like crazy and get back together with her. Now we are about to get back together and she’s talking about making this more permanent and I am avoiding this “talk”. How can I have her in my life and not mess this up without making this permanent which I just can’t do?

Messed up in Detroit

Dear Detroit,
First of all, I have not seen ANY relationship last without honesty and integrity. You need to tell her how you feel and what this does in terms of you being tempted to engaging with other women. I also think that you need to figure out with her why her kids are getting in the way and this is something you and her can reach a resolution about it. The other really important question I have for you is: Do you really want to be in a long term committed relationship? Before you reengage with this woman figure out what YOU want and be honest with her as to what you are prepared to commit or not to commit to. It sounds to me like you are not ready for a commitment but don’t know how to tell her, the truth is always your best bet!

Wishing you well,
Dr. Lori

I am really down and out; the weather keeps changing and it almost like a tease. One day it’s warm and beautiful the next day bitter cold. I just can’t seem to get myself going again. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this never ending winter?

Winter Blues
Dear Dr. Lori,

Dear Winter Blues,
It can be especially challenging when Mother Nature seems to tease us by allowing one day of warmer weather followed by a bitter cold one. Unfortunately this is part of our reality if we live in a 4 season climate. I would like to suggestion a few options for you:
Try to find hobbies that you can look forward to in the winter months. You can begin now, it’s not too late. Have you ever thought of joining a club? Going to a gym? Joining a group online or in person? This can give you something to look forward to and it can help ease the winter blues. As well, do you participate in any winter activities- it’s never too late to start. If you were to take up skating for example, then you again would have something to look forward to. Let’s say you aren’t a winter person…have you ever thought about possibly moving to a warmer climate? For some people winter is just torture, I often recommend thinking about why you choose to live in this climate if you do not like it. Perhaps the reasons are out of obligation to family, and then I strongly urge you to find something that will make the winter bearable for you.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you,
. Lori

Dear Lori,

My daughter is 9 years old and she has so much anxiety about going to sleep. She feels the “monsters” are still real and gets anxious when she has to go to bed. It takes her quite along time to fall asleep and she needs me to stay with her until she falls asleep. I have tried taking a firm line with her and saying there are no monsters she just need to go to bed and think of her friends and other things that make her feel good, but this leads to her becoming hysterical and I end up spending even more time in her room because it takes her longer to fall asleep! Do you have any suggestions, I really don’t want to drug my daughter, I feel she is too young, but I would appreciate other suggestions.

Thanks,

Tired Mom

Dear Tired Mom,

There are a few things I can suggest for your daughter. First, though, I want to acknowledge the possibility that entities do exist and that your daughter may be able to see them. I have worked with many children who do see spirits or entities and are fearless especially at night, when they tend to “bother” some children more. So first find out if this is some merit to what your daughter is saying. Ask her to describe what one of the monsters looks like. If she gives you a description chances are that she is seeing them. If this is true then you can have your house cleared and sealed so they can’t bother her anymore. If this just doesn’t resonate with you, or this isn’t the case there are a few other suggestions I can make. Have her listen to some guided mediations when she gets into bed, it will help distract her from her anxiety. There are some great ones for children that you can by on the internet. The other suggestion is ask her what will make her feel safe at night. If she doesn’t know, make some suggestions such as a dream catcher,  a cross over her bed, or a really cool night light.

I hope this will help.

Good Luck,

Lori