Dear Dr. Lori,
A colleague of mine told me when you worked at the Board of Education you specialized in behavioural and ADHD children. My son is 8years old in a private school and was bullied and humiliated. The boy who did this was told to write a letter of apology to my son. I am mortified that this has happened. I would take my son out of the school immediately but because this school has been able to have true success with working with my son who is extremely ADHD I feel there isn’t another school that will manage him. It took me 2 years to find this one! So my son is scared to go to school. I called the authorities, they said they could talk to the boy but because he was also 8 years old there was not much else they could do. The school does not have to follow the anti-bulling laws in the education act because it is a private school. I don’t know what to do. My husband went to the school and lost it on the principal who said we could take our son out of the school if we wished to. I am really hoping you will have some advice for me.
Mother in Toronto
Dear Mother in Toronto,
Yes I did work for a board of Education where I was a consultant for special education children. You are also correct that private schools are not obligated to follow the same Bills that are provided for public schools. My advice is to change schools. This is not to have your son run away from the problem. This is because the schools response was not in line with keeping your son from being bullied by the same child again. Often private schools feel they have the upper hand because you chose them as your school, therefore you obviously will stay. You need to take your power back and let them know you will not tolerate this. In the end, this has to be about what is best for your son. I understand the program they have is great, I also know there are some other good program for ADHD children in Toronto. Do look into other options. As well if your son is scared to go to school and he already has a hard time focusing because of the ADHD then being scared will make focusing an even greater challenge. Children deserve and have a right to feel safe at school, and right now your son does not feel safe- so find a place that will accommodate his needs.
As well, your son might benefit from some therapy. Perhaps play or art therapy if he is emotionally young or talk therapy if that would better suit his personality. I do think having him talk to someone will help him overcome this trauma that occurred. As well it is important to validate your son’s feeling that does not mean giving in to them and encouraging him to feel scared. It means telling him it is ok to have the feelings he is having and as his parents you are going to do whatever you need to make it better for him. If he feels you are supporting him this might help him begin to feel more secure again.
Let me know how he is doing.
Dr. Lori
